Obsessed

Am I obsessed with you?
I do my best not to want you
But I do all the time
I do all the time

Miley Cyrus

Hey peeps, hows everything going?

Im Obsessed, yeahh.. really obsessed with not studying.

Many times, i told my self to study for the sake of passing the paper!

and Every time, i told my self to sit down and study just for the sake of 15 more days.

NO! i just can't do it. Im tired of this.

Few days ago, i felt like slapping myself when the math examination paper ended. Paper 1 was so darn easy! but yet I made Careless Mistakes and wrong more than 8 questions. It wasn't even hard at all! Paper 2, was not hard. but i made more and more careless mistakes because i was so confident that those easy ones are correct. YET AGAIN! i'm wrong. Why am i so stupid? giving chances to believe i can improve? I was really exhausted. after the recess bell rang, i walk straight ahead next door. I thought that they would at least comfort me a little when i told them i failed my Science again. but they just said "oh" then continue with their stories. I don't think they would even care to listen more, so i walk out the class and down to the canteen. I'm feeling really down, i don't know what to say. i bought my food and drink, sat down at the table. i wanted to cry, but i kept my tears. well at least Joyan, Hui Ci, Deb and Marilyn care to ask. Others don't even give a shit to look at me. i wouldn't mind, since its typical. i finish everything else, walk over to the dustbin, throw the papers and cups. then straight the first thing i went to the library. i know SukWah will at least listen to me. Luckily, she was there. so i walk right up; tho' she gave me a very weird expression asking "Wow, Cydney?! You're here? right now?" something like that.. I talked to her, and maybe complained a little to her. She listened and comfort me a little, and my feeling's were better. Thanks to her my day felt better.

Later that night, when me, Yi Qing and Shook Yuan was having tuition, they really made me gone mad again. How do u feel when your friends are hiding something, whispering something RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!? and don't want to let u know? Angry right? IT WASN"T THE FIRST TIME ALREADY! they always do that! ever since i went to Langkawi and missed out 2 classes, they are like Best Friends and trying SOOOO hard not to let this outsider know everything else so called "SECRET!" Fuck i feel like scolding them right in their faces! but i cant, cause i know they are my tuition partners and if it really happen, i will be lonely after that day. they don't understand, no one does!

I"m really Tired of these games. Back to the after PMR plan, i really need to thank Chriztay and Joyan. You guys really help me a lot. you guys help me find those ball rooms and things. call all around, this and that. tho' we still cant find any empty spaces available for the night, but u guys are really helpful. Sorry to other committee's. not that i say u guys did not help at all, just in different sponsors. Everything just isn't working out right for me. Everything isn't under schedule! its not right at all.

Now, my pressure is really high. there are sooo many things i'd wish to do. but the problem is PMR is still right in front of me. i used to think that getting a D for every subject is enough. but now, i can already pass, am i really aiming for a D only? i'm tired of studying. I'm not smart at all, if u come and tell me to "work harder so u can get better results! no one is stupid, no one is dumb!" please don't mind if i don't bother u. cause thats a lie. Everyone else has a "smart" word on their forehead, except me. I'm not even close to smart. Whats the point if i study? same result comes out every time.

I really dont know what to do now, will i be the first to fail PMR? that kind of chances will come in 80%. im not negative, i just lost my confidence. there are so many What If's if i fails PMR. wish miricals could happen. Im tired, i think i need to stop now. Sorry if i've insulted any of u guys who read this. u can choose to not talk to me anyways.

By the way Jermaine, Chun 哥哥生了一个女儿。I forgot whats her name, Carden i think.. she's really adorable. and Jenson is very hand some now! ahha. will email some pics to u.